Thursday, September 22, 2005

An experience to talk about but never do again...Hurrydating!

In true city girl fashion last night I decided to take a risk and step out of my box a little. A friend and I decided to go to one of these parties where you spend a few minutes with a guy, then they blow a whistle and the guys switch up. Sounds ok right? Well, see, if the guys would have been normal it might have been an interesting experience, but instead you had a room full of hot women and some HUGE dorks. I mean these guys come out of the woodwork and the closet...And I say closet, because I shit you not...5 of the 30 I spoke to (yeh I know I really did speak to 30 men) were most definitely GAY! Not just a little gay, as in confused, bewildered, whatever...they were full of homosexuals trying to talk to me about how great fashion week is because it allows you to express your inner child through dress... People, I am NOT kidding.

Ok so, we arrive at this bar in the village, I guzzle down 3 vodka tonics, knowing I'm in this for the long haul and start to survey the pickings. The first guy to arrive was about 5'5, 125 with some funky ass teeth. All I could think about was, wow...I have to talk to this man about something in a few minutes. Soon Ted, the hurrydate ringleader blew his big whistle and lined us up. Let me just take a moment now to descibe Ted. Ted is bald, wears thick glasses, had on a plaid shirt over a white t-shirt, had the pitch of a 5 year old girl to his voice and was most definitley GAY. What was strange was that 20 min later, I was talking to him and he told me had a girlfriend!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK WAS GOING ON HERE?! There was no way this guy was straight... and then I started to panic thinking, is this some kind of born again christian thing where they make gay guys talk and hit on hot women to make them straight again? I swear it was the wierdest thing ever!

The dating begins... I look to my friend, Ted blows the whistle and we're off... Literally like horses out of the gate, Lou starts talking my ear off about how he loves these events because it gets him out of the house. WOW...Lou was special. he was a software engineer who doesn't date much and really enjoys video games, papaya hot dogs and pez... But I now knew that he was a lifer for hurrydate...Note to self...WHAT WAS I THINKING!

Next was Frank, who seemed like a totally normal guy...Investment banker, cute, could talk to me without spitting on me or making me feel itchy and wierd...But then he stood up and was I think maybe 5'2... oh yeh, can you see me with this one...boob height, not even...maybe nani height!

Then there was Paul. Paul was just angry. he was mad because this was his 10th hurrydate session and he still didn't have a girlfriend. Well Paul, you're 36, angry looking, wear eye liner, your pants are around the mid of your ass and you smell...SHOCKER!

I won't even continue describing these guys, because it's just too much for me right now...I'm laughing outloud just thinking back.

Just be aware... This activity will provide you humor for the rest of your life. I strongly suggest every woman go to one just so when they are down they can think back to that night and laugh their asses off!

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Where do these guys come from? Doesn't New York have finer, single male specimens?

The Team said...

Yeah, um no....I've been a single (ok, unmarried) girl in this city for around 4 years and finding a man (that is normal, not gay, tall enough, not a sketch ball or meth addict, not an asshole...) is near impossible...

I'm on a conquest to find some good spots to check out for us sane, sucessful, cute and intelligent girls...we've gotta stick together after all...