The Art of Kissing and How Men Ruin it

So the other day i was talking to all my girls about how it is that most men just can't get it right. I mean we all know they have problems with "getting their shit together," and "finding themselves," but I have to say that their biggest challenge definitely has to be the Art of Kissing! In this little note I will describe a few of the techniques men use that they think are awesome, but actually trigger the gag reflex.

Tongue Fucker:
This guy feels the need to totally consume your face. He shoves his tongue down your throat so deep that you're lucky if you don't puke all over him. At first you try to moderate the tongue action by slowly backing off, then you take high alert level by slowly blocking entry into your mouth and then finally you have no choice but to take it to Defcom 3 and beat him at his own game...fuck that fucker back!

The Lizard:
This usually friendly guy seems to think that keeping your mouth slightly open and pushing and pulling his tongue back and forth like a reptile is sexy...uhmmmm...it's not. I just want to scream, "STOP IT, YOU'RE FREAKING ME OUT!"

The Slimer:
This is usually the biggest disappointment because you think he's going to be a great kisser! You start of good with lot's good sucking action, but then you soon realize you no longer have any make-up on...why is that you ask? Because he's licked it off and left you slimey and gross wondering what's that smell?

The Hollow Mouth:
This guy, well you just don't really know what's going on here...Do they have a tongue? Do they have some kind of problem using it? I have no words for this one other than, "please god, don't suck all the air out of me!!!"

Ok enough for now...I have more, but I'll save them for later...until then...GOOD LUCK!!!